I love to write travel guides or tips, as well as my own thoughts related to travelling. But occasionally I want to have some fun and write something that is not too serious.

This is a Dictionary of Travel and Tourism, which sometimes is supposed to be mean, sometimes a little bit cynical, and hopefully funny. But mostly mean. I hope you won’t take it too seriously and have some laughs, though.

A – Airport. Place with the most expensive fast food in the world. And some planes, too.

B – Backpackers. Narcissistic travellers who love to argue with others that their way of travelling is the best and the only right one.

C – Cruise boat. Place to go for vacation to meet very old people.

D – Direction. A thing a real man would never ask about. Even when lost in foreign country.

E – Expats. People who are too sophisticated to call themselves migrants.

F – Flight. Part of the trip where nothing is right; there’re windows that can’t be opened, seat belts that won’t save your life, films with the best moments being cut and food that has no taste.

I – Insurance. A must-have for every trip and usually needed this only one time when you actually didn’t buy it.

I – Influencer. Somebody who travels wearing clothes that regular people wear when they go to the party.

J – Japanese tourists. Life savers for solo travellers who need somebody to take them a nice picture.

M – Mass tourists. People who go to the foreign countries to visit all the tourist traps, buy souvenirs made in China, take tons of selfies and eat a dinner in McDonald’s.

P – Phone. Amazing device that helps us book places and get directions while travelling, so we can save loads of time and waste it immediately by scrolling down the social media on the same device.

R – Ryanair. Cheap European airline that everybody hates and everybody uses at the same time.

R – Return flight. The final part of your vacation that spoils it all and makes you think about your next trip.

S – Staycation. Term popularised during Covid-19 pandemic to remind people that they don’t have to go abroad to have a great vacation (like we didn’t know, duh!).

T – Tips. An extra money given to the staff in cafés and restaurants to show your appreciation for their service. In the USA, it must be given to the hotel staff for treating you like a moron who doesn’t know anything and can’t do anything.

T – Transit. It’s when your luggage during the flight’s stop goes straight to the next plane so you don’t have to go through security check again (which gives you even more time to worry whether your bags are going with you or would end up in the wrong plane).

V – Visa. Stamp or a sticker in your passport that you have to buy to be allowed entry to a certain country to boost this country’s tourism industry.


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